Owing You One
by gaymariarobotnik
Summary: sometimes you mess up again and again, but maybe that's not your problem


_They'd been away from the tower for far too long._

It was to be a simple walk back from their small trip to the recently returned encampment along Lakeland's glistening shore, and who better to welcome them than the vaunted Crystal Exarch and his Warrior of Darkness? They would prefer no other. Being well assured they could stay late into the evening, the two happily obliged. After all, the walk back in the morning wouldn't be too far.

And yet, they were still far too careless.

The fatigue didn't dawn on the Exarch immediately, having spent a far longer time away from the tower than they had the night before during previous adventures. Not even the small, pinching pain of his usual morning headache bothered him, especially not when he was laying so closely to his warrior— turned on his side to quietly watch his chest rise and fall in his sleep. How it reminded him of their earlier days, camped in Mor Dhona, stuck in that research tent together. Those nights that G'raha would stay up reading, but would soon find himself distracted by the calm aura A'tali radiated when he slept. How, no matter what he'd gone through, he always kept that serenity about him. It was those small moments that he first felt his heart begin to flutter for the other man, and oh what it did to him now, after all those years of longing...if only he could move himself close, if it weren't for the fear of someone poking their head in at any moment. They could say it was an accident, a simple movement in their sleep, but he would think too much on it. He would stumble, as he often found himself doing around the warrior now. To think he used to keep himself so composed.

"I can feel those allagan eyes watching me, you know~"

The small, accusing whisper made him jump, his tail flickering in alert as he was caught in his musings, watching the warrior peek a mischievous eye open at him. How radiant his smile was, how beautifully his pale eyes shone through that endless mess of hair. How it made his heart soar…

And then he was pulled in, and he had to shush the other for being so playful, that they wouldn't be caught. A'Tali couldn't help but laugh, trying his best to keep himself quiet as his tail wrapped around the Exarch's middle.

"This is quite informal, you know." G'raha warned, though he only earned a peck on the forehead in return, sighing in defeat.

"I am aware. Though I dare say I don't believe I care much about formalities when I'm with you~" the warrior teased him, earning a gentle nudge in the side from the Exarch. It was a small moment however, as A'Tali was quickly alerted to a presence outside their tent, pressing the other back down against his cushion and clearing his throat.

"May I help you?"

"Ah! I see you are awake and well, my Warrior of Darkness! We were hoping to wish you two off before you began your trek back to the Crystarium, mayhap with a hearty breakfast and a couple rolls for that pleasant guard of yours who insisted on checking in with us this morning!"

The two miqo'te sighed softly, knowing they were talking about Lyna. She _would _check up on the Exarch like that. It was her duty, after all. A'Tali was quick to answer then, smiling down to G'raha all the while.

"We shall be with you in a moment then! The Exarch has a _very _intricate morning routine that only I can assist him with, and he hates anyone seeing him beforehand. I...hope you understand?" He tried to stifle a laugh as the man below him glared daggers into him with his gaze. He knew he'd be paying for that remark later, but it was always fun to see him come undone even in the slightest. It's what kept them young.

Once they received their confirmation, their morning began, and thankfully, without much chaos.

—

The walk back seemed a lot longer than G'raha remembered, and he felt himself finding his staff as support more than he should have. Did the morning light always shine so brightly against the near ivory earth? Were the leaves blowing in from the trees always so fluorescent in color? Stifling his headaches always caused him to trail off in observation like so, so much, that he'd almost forgotten the other was there next to him.

"And while I think orange looks splendid on others, I- Raha? Are you alright?" He was stopped on their walk, gently taking the Exarch's arm in worry as he'd noticed his far-off stare. The only other time he'd seen him like this was after the events at the Tempest. He couldn't help but be worried.

"I shall be fine. Tis only the morning fatigue and being away from the tower that drains me so. You needn't worry." His hand came up to place itself over his warrior's, a gentle smile at his lips to assure him he was alright. It wasn't the first time he'd drained himself, and it was far from the last. That being said, it still didn't stifle A'Tali's worried gaze, his brows still furrowed as if he was searching for something deep inside his mind, as if he heard that incessant humming in the back of his head that grew louder every moment he was away from the tower.

A cry for help broke their small moment, and the two miqo'te immediately jumped to action, heading in its direction until they came upon what exactly was causing the alarm. A malboro— not commonly seen in these parts— was towering over two tiny elfen children, and by the looks of it? Was near about to swallow them whole.

The warrior acted quickly, snatching his bow and an arrow from behind his back with practiced fingers, and letting loose that arrow right into its maw. The moment the beast retracted, the Exarch all but scurried over to the two children, helping them up despite feeling that fatigue in his legs. He recognized them instantly from the Crystarium, figuring they might've wandered too far on their journey and meeting them with a warm smile despite the chaos. A'tali could handle himself, this he knew.

"If you are well enough to walk, see yourselves back home." A nod, and the children didn't hesitate to make haste back the way they came.

It was unfortunate then, that another draining wave washed over the Exarch's mind, as if the tower could see him standing just outside the city's limits, irresponsibly keeping himself away. He leaned himself against his staff for support, but kept his ground nevertheless, knowing he still had a fight to win.

Just as he turned, he watched the warrior let loose a slew of arrows along the creature's mouth, earning another frantic throw of its tentacles. He simply laughed in triumph, dodging a whip and dancing around it almost mockingly. It was too easy for him, but then again, he _did _like to show off.

However, this was no time to be distracted, and G'raha quickly threw his staff forward, sending magicked shards of ice into the malboro's back. He'd fight off the drain for as long as he needed to. He'd been through much worse. This was nothing. Right?

The beast's longer tentacles flung themselves into its mouth, confusing the two for a moment before watching its mouth bubble over with the powerful toxin it was so infamously known for. Both were quick to jump back as the now toxin ridden tentacles whipped out to the sides, staining the earth with it's acid as it cried out in anger.

More arrows were fired, and firey blasts shot from the Exarch's staff, but the beast was having trouble yielding, practically radiating its poison now. They were close though, they could feel it.

And then, that low hum again, that sound almost akin to a machine slowly and defeatedly powering down, dying, grinding against the Exarch's brain. It came louder this time, causing him to trip up, barely able to grasp for his staff. He was using too much of his power in this fight. He had to hold back. A'Tali could handle himself. How could he let himself grow so dependent on something?

"G'raha! Look out!"

He barely registered it, and it wasn't until his breath was pushed out of him from the warrior's bodily tackle did he realize he was standing in the way of the Malboro. Within a moment, his back was against the earth, and that hum grew louder, all but deafening him for a moment.

And then a cry of pain. Not his own. Never his own. The embrace the warrior had on him tightened, near suffocating in his hold. And he felt...droplets on his neck. _Tears._

_A'Tali was hurt._

_A'Tali was hurt, and he couldn't move. Couldn't speak. _

_The last thing he'd heard was his name._

_They'd been away from the tower for far too long._

—

It wasn't anything new for him to bolt upright in bed after a rest. Many things made him do so, but it was the reminder that there was no time for sleeping that he did so this time. Not often did he drain himself so much that he awoke rather disoriented and lack of recent memory, but he found it happening more with his daring escapades alongside the Scions.

His ruby eyes trailed the room, for something he didn't know, a reason why he was here.

And then his gaze fell on the arrow necklace on his bedside, and everything came back suddenly.

"..._Tali…"_ it was nearly breathless, and he all but threw himself out of his bed, shaking off the slight vertigo that came with his recharge to reach his door. He didn't care what he looked like in that moment— hair down and a mess, his bottom robe the only one present—

"Evening, Raha. Tis good to see you up and about."

His tail flickered in surprise, turning slowly to see that he hadn't just been hearing voices, and that he'd completely passed the warrior laying back against his couch, curled up with a book. He could see the bandaging poking out from the blanket over his shoulders.

He wanted to run to him, hug him in relief and release those stressful tears welling up inside him. But he didn't even know what to say. The shock of it all rendered him speechless. _This wasn't the first time._

"You were out for two days. My apologies for that. I should've gotten you back sooner. I received quite an earful from your Captain. She had to haul the both of us the rest of the way back on her shoulders." A gentle laugh left him, and he carefully sat up to set his book aside, holding the blanket around him close. He looked so calm for someone crying out as loudly as he was moments before G'raha sunk into unconsciousness.

"I'm alright, by the way. I won't be fighting for awhile longer due to the damage the toxin did to the muscle tissue, but honestly it looks a lot worse than it feels."

There was silence still, and the warrior's gaze flickered to the Exarch's non crystal hand clenching itself in his robes. He was thinking of something to say, he just didn't know what. Or...he didn't think he was allowed to say what he wanted to. The warrior's gaze softened. _He didn't have to. _

"You can come and look over it if it eases your mind."

A'Tali watched his tail flicker, his ruby eyes apprehensively meeting his pale ones. G'raha felt his bare feet move slowly across the cold, crystalline floor, finding it hard to look away as the warrior removed the blanket. He sat behind him, ever silent, ever focused on what worried him most.

It was...gruesome work, and he could tell where the poison had sunk in the most. The tattoo on his back was absolutely ruined, as if the scarring he'd collected over the years hadn't already done a terrible number on it.

But...perhaps he could-

"They did all they could. No manner of healing attempts is going to fix it any more." The warrior spoke up, and the Exarch looked to his crystalline hand hovering over the bandages, a soft sigh leaving him as it clenched, retracted itself. He looked awful, he probably felt awful. He knew he was just trying to make him feel better, but how could he?

A'Tali felt his crystal hand rest on his shoulder, and the gentle press of his forehead against the back of his neck. His breathing was soft, but he could feel that too.

"...how many more times must this happen?"

It was soft, defeated, and it caused A'tali's ears to twitch.

"...Raha?"

His head was still lowered, ears pressed to the sides of his head as they sat in silence, the only noise around them the ambient hum of the tower.

"How many more times must I fail to save you? If I can't even do that then what was the point of bringing you here but to delay the inevitable?"

As soon as he said it, his ears rose in alarm, as if he hadn't meant to say it out loud. He didn't like to burden anyone with his doubts, especially not his warrior, but perhaps he was still tired.

Perhaps...doubts would sometimes spill from the lips of the lonely.

G'raha felt a hand intertwine with the one on A'tali's shoulder, his eyes flickering to it. Were there tears there? He could hardly tell.

"You say that as if I could die so easily. Which, now that I'm with you, I couldn't allow."

His smile was ever the definition of warmth, and even though G'raha could see the fatigue in his gaze from the ongoing pain, he was still so alive. So animated, so…

_Loving._

"I know you give yourself high expectations, that you should never leave yourself room to fail, and I can't begin to imagine the things you've been through to burn that mindset into you." He paused, gently squeezing his hand in assurance.

"...but I _can _tell you that you could never fail me. In fact, you've saved me in a way that no one else could."

He turned around then, taking his other hand and scooting himself closer.

"I haven't felt the way I do now since...before I lost my family. For the longest time, I made myself believe that as the warrior of light, I wasn't meant to have those I loved most by my side. I lost people...you being one of them. I almost started giving up." Another pause, and he felt his chest quiver with a shaky inhale.

"But then the strangest thing happened...and we found ourselves washed up on the shores of the tempest. And I realized then...it was you."

A singular ear lowered in question on the Exarch, staring on at the warrior in shock, but he wasn't one to interrupt his musings, no matter how much he wanted to question why.

"You broke that pattern. You defied fate. You...you set me free from that. And I...I couldn't be more thankful. I couldn't be happier simply because I have you. So you haven't failed me. You never could. Your limitations do _not _define you, but what you _do _provide is what matters most."

There was silence again, and A'Tali had that nagging feeling he'd said something wrong. It was often he did, and he was prepared to receive anything the other might return.

But instead, he watched his bottom lip quiver, tears spilling over, rolling down his cheeks as his eyes told the warrior he was grateful. He tried all he could to wipe them away, so to not embarrass himself too much. This wasn't about him, anyways. But he felt that gentle tug on his arm, and suddenly his head rest itself against his chest. His cheek met the warm skin on his neck, feeling the gentle inhale and exhale of his breaths. _This was all he wanted? All he desired? To have him? _It felt too good to be true. That was what _he'd _wanted all those years alone, but he could never hope to have that feeling returned.

And yet. His warrior was holding him while he cried. They were in his quarters. A'Tali felt so warm.

_He only wanted him. That was what made him happy._

_That he would simply be enough._


End file.
